Men and women are created differently by God. There is a way a man is designed also there is a way a woman is designed and it is important that man and woman in a relationship have an understanding of this. The absence of some of this knowledge in a relationship causes certain misunderstanding among couples.
There are things that are natural in a man and there are things that are natural in a woman it is like that because it is in their nature. The only way to handle such is through control and this requires discipline. For couples to have a peaceful marriage they need to understand these needs and endeavours to meet them.
let’s look at these needs in parts, the first part is that of the man.
The two needs of a man in a marriage
1. Sex. I realize that one of the major reason why most men cheat on their wife is that they are not being satisfied sexually by their wives at home. And the man now goes out to satisfy his urge outside with another woman. This is a very big mistake a wrong thing at that, that most wives are doing without knowing the danger they are causing to their marriage.
Most women do this either because their husband is not treating them well or the man is not meeting to their need and as a way to punish their man, they deprive him of sex. Some other women the working one’s deprive their husband because by the time they are back from work they are tied and won’t have the strength to fulfil this marital responsibility to their husband. No matter the reason it is very very wrong and you are causing your husband great psychological pain and also putting your marriage in danger. Man has been created to carry the seed for procreation and for him to fulfil this purpose, there must be an urge in him that will always trigger him to always need sex. This is natural. That is why a man will have sex with his spouse today and the following day he will be demanding for another one. And the wife will be like I just gave you yesterday what’s the problem with you. There is no problem with him it is natural with men. The only thing is that a few men have been able to learn how to control this urge through the development of self-discipline. For the man, do not abuse this nature for when you abuse it, it brings shame and destruction. Note that sex is meant only for married couples. That is a man and his wife.
2. Respect. A man does not need love, what a man need is respect. I can also call it submission. When a woman tells a man that she loves him, the man interprets it as respect. That is what he needs. When God created the man he created him with that authority nature. So this nature is inside the man. It is natural. But the way to put this authority into control is through love and that is why the man is told to love his wife. God never told the woman to love her husband what God told the woman is to respect her husband, to submit to him. Men feed on respect, they don’t want it but they need it. Now the question is, what is respect? It can be defined as an ‘. ” expression of high or special regard”,” an act of giving particular attention”, it also means to speak highly of. Respect is the attitudinal response from submission. Submission is the action that flows out of the attitude and that attitude is respect. In marriage submission and respect goes together.
Having looked at the first part which is the two needs of a man,
let’s look at the second part which is the two needs of a woman.
1. Love. By nature, God designed a woman to be a receiver of love that is why women always want you to give them. And God told the men to love their wife because it is their nature to be loved. The problem is most men don’t know how to love, they don’t understand what love is. I discovered that one of the most misunderstood concepts in a relationship is love. Many understood love to be an emotional feeling but the truth of the matter is love is not an emotion neither is it a feeling. I have a post on this, you need to read it, UNDERSTANDING LOVE. Don’t get confused about love and sex in a marriage relationship. Sex is satisfying a need but love is an act of the will, it is a decision to commit to meet the needs of the woman. As a matter of fact, women don’t need sex what they need is love. They enjoy sex but they don’t need it.
2. Affection. I was once having a conversation with a man and he told me that his wife has denied him sex for almost a year. Do you know what that means, it is a psychological torment and when I try to find out why the wife had to do that I discovered that the man does not attend to this need of the wife “affection”. This is to show you how important this need is to the woman in as much as there should be no reason except ill-health that a woman should deprive her husband sex. Let’s look at what affection is. Affection is showing that you care about her. It is an action that is communicated through gestures, words, or touches. Taking your wife out, telling her how beautiful she looks, fonding etc. It is a feeling of liking and fonding. Love and affection need to go together. The difference between the two is that love is not a feeling but affection is a feeling you show your spouse. Letting her know how you feel about her. You have to understand that women are an emotional being, you wake up in the morning you look at her and say to her baby you look beautiful this morning the next thing you see in her face is smiling meaning that this word you say to her has entered her head.
Now you see that a man’s need is different from a woman’s need. Having understood this, couples need to endeavour to meet these each other needs. Marriage should be enjoyed but without the proper knowledge of these things, it becomes a place of pains.
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